Comments on: Christian Courtship – The Need for Lower Standards http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/ An unusual perspective on religion, politics and life. Wed, 01 Feb 2012 20:25:52 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Mame http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-2828 Mame Thu, 19 Jan 2012 06:41:20 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-2828 Due to this blog I changed the perspective and now understand why it is sometimes so complicated. Due to this blog I changed the perspective and now understand why it is sometimes so complicated.

]]> By: vanda http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-2092 vanda Tue, 12 Jul 2011 15:21:49 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-2092 Why do I need to lower my standards as a woman? I would rather be alone than to accept someone who is beneath me. I have my own wealth. I do not look like a supermodel but will not accept a man who has nothing or even very little money. Women should guard their hearts and be picky about dating. Casual dating often leads to relationships too quickly because a woman will mistakenly believe she cannot get anyone better. Why go on a date with someone where there is no interest? I am often viewed as stuck-up for not wanting to go with those lesser than me. I am not the one, however, with the drama in my life as the sisters who accept so little in a man. Why do I need to lower my standards as a woman? I would rather be alone than to accept someone who is beneath me. I have my own wealth. I do not look like a supermodel but will not accept a man who has nothing or even very little money. Women should guard their hearts and be picky about dating. Casual dating often leads to relationships too quickly because a woman will mistakenly believe she cannot get anyone better. Why go on a date with someone where there is no interest? I am often viewed as stuck-up for not wanting to go with those lesser than me. I am not the one, however, with the drama in my life as the sisters who accept so little in a man.

]]> By: Erin Coates http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-1693 Erin Coates Mon, 29 Nov 2010 14:55:40 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-1693 Thomas, Another great article. As Ruth Bell Graham put it... If I marry: He must be so tall that when he is on his knees, as one has said, he reaches all the way to Heaven. His shoulders must be broad enough to bear the burden of a family. His lips must be strong enough to smile, firm enough to say no, and tender enough to kiss. Love must be so deep that it takes its stand in Christ and so wide that it takes the whole lost world in. He must be active enough to save souls. He must be big enough to be gentle and great enough to be thoughtful. His arms must be strong enough to carry a little child Looks are overrated and spirituality is underrated. Unfortunately, there are few that feel that way. I don't think you are lowering the standard by placing emphasis on a balance between inward and outward, I think you are raising it. My family believes in arranged marriage so when my parents are considering a young man for me, looks is not going to be high on the priority list but godliness and a zeal for Jesus Christ will be. :) Thomas,
Another great article. As Ruth Bell Graham put it…
If I marry: He must be so tall that when he is on his knees, as one has said, he reaches all the way to Heaven. His shoulders must be broad enough to bear the burden of a family. His lips must be strong enough to smile, firm enough to say no, and tender enough to kiss. Love must be so deep that it takes its stand in Christ and so wide that it takes the whole lost world in. He must be active enough to save souls. He must be big enough to be gentle and great enough to be thoughtful. His arms must be strong enough to carry a little child

Looks are overrated and spirituality is underrated. Unfortunately, there are few that feel that way. I don’t think you are lowering the standard by placing emphasis on a balance between inward and outward, I think you are raising it. My family believes in arranged marriage so when my parents are considering a young man for me, looks is not going to be high on the priority list but godliness and a zeal for Jesus Christ will be. :)

]]> By: Joyful Mom http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-1357 Joyful Mom Sat, 10 Jul 2010 03:46:55 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-1357 As Daniel says, there is a echoing silence regarding men's hearts in the courtship movement. As a mother of sons, I see them expected to be sure they are ready to marry a particular girl before they even approach the father. What if he then, for whatever reason, says no? I am seeing some of my son's friends getting seriously hurt in this way. There's no way to show a little interest to see if he is even a possibility for her. As Daniel says, there is a echoing silence regarding men’s hearts in the courtship movement. As a mother of sons, I see them expected to be sure they are ready to marry a particular girl before they even approach the father. What if he then, for whatever reason, says no? I am seeing some of my son’s friends getting seriously hurt in this way. There’s no way to show a little interest to see if he is even a possibility for her.

]]> By: Daniel B http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-1347 Daniel B Sat, 12 Jun 2010 19:55:34 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-1347 <> And we've also overtaught girls to guard the girls' hearts, so that now they seem to have interpreted that to mean 'don't even accept an invitation to coffee unless you're ready to marry him' Funny also how both ways, it's all about guarding the girls' hearts. Do men not need to have anything in their heart guarded or something? <>

And we’ve also overtaught girls to guard the girls’ hearts, so that now they seem to have interpreted that to mean ‘don’t even accept an invitation to coffee unless you’re ready to marry him’

Funny also how both ways, it’s all about guarding the girls’ hearts. Do men not need to have anything in their heart guarded or something?

]]> By: Elizabeth H. http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-1228 Elizabeth H. Mon, 28 Dec 2009 16:00:27 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-1228 I like your site, Thomas! Very thought-provoking. I would add that people are too obsessed with the idea of finding compatibility with ONE person. There are several brothers in Christ whom I love and respect, but for whatever reason, none has turned out to be my future husband. And I have peace about that. It has nothing to do with flaws in them or in me. Any flaws in a future spouse can indeed be covered over by Christ's love. How He calls a specific man and woman to marry is a mystery, yet it isn't so mysterious that we should run away from it. I like your site, Thomas! Very thought-provoking.

I would add that people are too obsessed with the idea of finding compatibility with ONE person. There are several brothers in Christ whom I love and respect, but for whatever reason, none has turned out to be my future husband. And I have peace about that. It has nothing to do with flaws in them or in me. Any flaws in a future spouse can indeed be covered over by Christ’s love. How He calls a specific man and woman to marry is a mystery, yet it isn’t so mysterious that we should run away from it.

]]> By: 7 Reasons Men Wait to Get Married | Practical Courtship http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-1187 7 Reasons Men Wait to Get Married | Practical Courtship Tue, 08 Sep 2009 22:29:06 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-1187 [...] For more on this read Christian Courtship – And the Need for Lower Standards. [...] [...] For more on this read Christian Courtship – And the Need for Lower Standards. [...]

]]> By: Christian Courtship: Lowering (or Redirecting) Our Standards | Through A Glass, Dimly http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-1145 Christian Courtship: Lowering (or Redirecting) Our Standards | Through A Glass, Dimly Thu, 04 Jun 2009 03:40:33 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-1145 [...] Christian Courtship - The Need for Lower Standards [...] [...] Christian Courtship – The Need for Lower Standards [...]

]]> By: Frank Turk http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-1144 Frank Turk Wed, 03 Jun 2009 20:37:07 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-1144 Thomas -- Very challenging (in a good way) article. Let me suggest something which will (I think) grow this line of thinking into a full-blown theology of courtship. You seem to imply but don't specifically examine the high view of marriage in Eph 5. For a young man, there is no more powerful guidance than to consider that in order to have a marriage as God declares it ought to be, husbands must love their wives as Christ loves the church -- meaning, giving himself up for her. There is no more profitable place in all of scripture for a man to begin to consider marriage than from the place that God calls him to give himself up for his wife /as Christ did for the church/. And rather than hijack your blog here, I leave you to think that through. Suffering is a great hermeneutic. Thomas –

Very challenging (in a good way) article. Let me suggest something which will (I think) grow this line of thinking into a full-blown theology of courtship. You seem to imply but don’t specifically examine the high view of marriage in Eph 5. For a young man, there is no more powerful guidance than to consider that in order to have a marriage as God declares it ought to be, husbands must love their wives as Christ loves the church — meaning, giving himself up for her.

There is no more profitable place in all of scripture for a man to begin to consider marriage than from the place that God calls him to give himself up for his wife /as Christ did for the church/.

And rather than hijack your blog here, I leave you to think that through. Suffering is a great hermeneutic.

]]> By: steffani http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-611 steffani Mon, 19 May 2008 01:00:33 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-611 I appreciate your acknowledgment of the fact that the younger generation apparently has an 'attachment disorder' when it comes to courtship and marriage. I believe that problem is as much due to fear of divorce after watching their parents' generation as to the higher standards you elaborate on--and to other factors as well. As a Christian therapist, I see many college students and graduates who are confused as to why they're not finding that special person for a serious marriage-oriented relationship. Often they come from dysfunctional homes (which now are the norm rather than the exception) and so have more defenses in place than they care to face or tear down. It's also true that in our conservative church we've overtaught the guys to guard the girls' hearts so that now they seem to have interpreted that to mean 'don't even ask them to coffee unless you're ready to marry them'. On top of that, gender confusion is a much more widespread malady in the church than most would guess. Pornography has taken quite a few young men captive as well so that the normal desires that would motivate them toward wedded bliss are taken care of through artificial means. Young women often sublimate their own yearnings with fantasies that become their own form of addiction. The culture of the church seems saturated with the perversity of the world we inhabit. You've indentified the problem well, but the causes and solutions are quite a bit more complex and elusive than any of us want to deal with. Thank God with Christ all things are possible because we're going to need His intervention in this issue that has so many young Christians frustrated and heartbroken. Thanks for bringing up and writing well about this very important topic. I appreciate your acknowledgment of the fact that the younger generation apparently has an ‘attachment disorder’ when it comes to courtship and marriage. I believe that problem is as much due to fear of divorce after watching their parents’ generation as to the higher standards you elaborate on–and to other factors as well.
As a Christian therapist, I see many college students and graduates who are confused as to why they’re not finding that special person for a serious marriage-oriented relationship. Often they come from dysfunctional homes (which now are the norm rather than the exception) and so have more defenses in place than they care to face or tear down.
It’s also true that in our conservative church we’ve overtaught the guys to guard the girls’ hearts so that now they seem to have interpreted that to mean ‘don’t even ask them to coffee unless you’re ready to marry them’. On top of that, gender confusion is a much more widespread malady in the church than most would guess. Pornography has taken quite a few young men captive as well so that the normal desires that would motivate them toward wedded bliss are taken care of through artificial means. Young women often sublimate their own yearnings with fantasies that become their own form of addiction. The culture of the church seems saturated with the perversity of the world we inhabit.
You’ve indentified the problem well, but the causes and solutions are quite a bit more complex and elusive than any of us want to deal with. Thank God with Christ all things are possible because we’re going to need His intervention in this issue that has so many young Christians frustrated and heartbroken.
Thanks for bringing up and writing well about this very important topic.

]]> By: jr http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-546 jr Tue, 22 Apr 2008 18:59:45 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-546 As a christian u make assumptions about peoples level of faith. I ask u then where is yours because u should know it is Gods place to judge. With this mindset you will never save anyone! As a christian u make assumptions about peoples level of faith. I ask u then where is yours because u should know it is Gods place to judge. With this mindset you will never save anyone!

]]> By: Renae http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-530 Renae Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:15:09 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-530 Thomas, you are very wise. I read an article recently that said "misery is the key to happiness." The gist of it was that the reason so many people are miserable is because their expectations are too high. People who accept that no one is perfect, and decide to love others in spite of their shortcomings, are happier in their relationships. --r Thomas, you are very wise. I read an article recently that said “misery is the key to happiness.” The gist of it was that the reason so many people are miserable is because their expectations are too high. People who accept that no one is perfect, and decide to love others in spite of their shortcomings, are happier in their relationships.

–r

]]> By: Thomas http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2008/04/christian-courtship-the-need-for-lower-standards/comment-page-1/#comment-449 Thomas Fri, 11 Apr 2008 18:50:31 +0000 http://www.CompuChristian.com/?p=81#comment-449 Ok, The comment system is now fixed. Sorry for the glitch. -Thomas Ok,

The comment system is now fixed. Sorry for the glitch.

-Thomas

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