What do you think about long – distance courtship?

Christian dating is a good substitute where the church community fills the family role in courtship.

How can parents who live far away and don’t seem to expect any more than to be kept in the loop be brought into the process? What if both sets of parents are far away?

And what if dating is the norm in one’s church community? How might one make a point to “date” in a family-oriented, real-life, honest, respectful, God-honouring way?

“Courtship is not about rules. It is about identifying the true motivations of the heart.
Courtship is about accountability. Not secrecy.”

I agree. Rules are not the focus. However, I believe that sometimes couples think they are more self-controlled than they really are and written rules, what you would call some kind of written covenant, is a useful tool. But of course we must avoid the extremes of legalism, but then again it sets boundaries for all parties involved to understand how things will run.

Accountability is a good thing. The quality of it is who is holding you accountable. It has to be someone willing to get in your face. I’m not saying they can’t be somewhat graceful, but they can’t be someone who will cheer you on, blowing on those flames of emotion that will only speed things up sooner than they should go. This happens sometimes among peers. I think it is better to take the approach of not discussing it too much in a … longing kind of attitude with peers.

I had a second thought about the touching issue. I don’t think courtship should include some addition physical mannerisms that you would be able to exercise. I think it is better to treat a courtee physically similar to your sisters in Christ; I mean those who are possibly further removed in closeness, not the very closest. Although it is obvious that when you’re courting someone you’re giving that person special attention, as a way to protect hearts and respect/honor I think this is a good approach.

We have to keep in mind that the courtee should be viewed as someone else’s spouse. I often times hear this as a reason not to be kissing. Well, it should go more extensive than that. How would you feel if your future spouse was hugged for long periods of time, cuddling, holding hands, napping together, etc. with someone else?

Sorry for the long comments. If you think of me as opinionated or too strict/conservative or … not flexible, well, that may be so, but there is good reason. Truly, marriage is a holy, honorable estate. It deserves to be treated as such.